Hindi na masakit, pero naaalala ko pa.
Naayos na kaya yung pinto na sinira ko sa apartment na pinaghirapan naming ayusin noon. I wonder.
Eh yung sinipa nyang pinto dahil tinapunan ko ng lupa yung harap ng pinto nya.
Naalala ko pa yung isang tray ng itlog na isinampal ko sa mukha nya at yung suntok na nag bruised sa kamay ko sa sobrang tigas ng mukha nya.
You will never know talaga kung anong kaya mong gawin kapag sobra kang nasaktan.
Halos hindi ko nakilala ang sarili ko that time.
Gaano na nga ba katagal? Mahigit dalawang taon? Mahigit dalawang taon na nung nalaman kong niloko nya pala ako.
Hindi naman kami lagi nag aaway non, never nga namin pinalampas ang araw na magkagalit.
Tinapos namin ng maayos ang aming relasyon, kasi sabi nya “I cannot promise you anything but I need to fix myself first to be a better man.”
We tried to be friends pa nga as much as possible kasi may “pinagsamahan” naman kami.
But days and months have passed that something is bothering me.
Oo may naririnig ako about him and his ex during our "relationsip", pero pinalampas ko kasi I trusted him.
Until one day I had courage to look for answer.
I was at work when I confronted his ex if they are still together.
And I got the painful truth.
Hindi pala talaga sila naghiwalay, they are just in a on and off relationship during that 9months na akala ko ako lang ang girlfriend nya.
Totoo na kapag nagmahal ka you will be blinded, hindi ko nakita yung mali dahil I felt secured by the love.
And that love turns into hatred and I even tried to commit the most mortal sin.
I became more aggressive, I’ve been in a group na I don’t know kung nakatulong ba talaga in my process of healing.
And mistake keeps repeating.
Nakakapagod din sabihin na ayaw mo muna pumasok sa isang relasyon pero you try to move on by using another person.
That is my mistake.
Realization:
Put your trust only to God and that no matter what the circumstances are, he will never leave you nor forsake you.